I couldn’t tell you where exactly I was. All I know is I’m back now. And I couldn’t tell you if anyone else was there, all I know is I’m alone now. Maybe it was like being high on something. Borderline a hallucination. In retrospect, it was all in my head, like all things are I suppose.
I can’t use the term “you”, or “I”, or “us”, because it was none of that. Because that wasn’t you. And whoever you claimed I was, that wasn’t me. And in those photos, that’s not us anymore. And if in every moment lies an eternity, then in this moment whatever it was isn’t real. It was some imaginary something that felt like hell and heaven. It could almost look like someone was there with me. I recall the face. When I found the person with the face, I started asking questions to see if they could recall. They had no idea what I was talking about. I showed them pictures of us, thinking surely this would remind them, but it only freaked them out further. They went on to call me crazy, claiming I photoshopped all of it. For the sake of keeping the peace, I admitted to photoshopping them into the photos. I did more than admit it. I convienced myself I had. Because I must have. How else?
When I left, I couldn’t help but text the number left in my phone under the name “Baby”.
Me: “Hey, is this you?”
Them: “Who is this?”
Me: “Justina. I woke up from this strange dream filled with passion, hate, obsession, craving to serve you… Im looking for any sign it wasn’t a dream. Could it have been you that I explored the horizon of infinity, and the depths of hell with? Were we in love?…”
Them: “I’m sorry, but no. You surely have the wrong number.”
Now like everyone in this predicament, I felt a bit crazy. Some strange combination of nausea and meaninglessness filled my belly. I thought, maybe I could check with a friend. Maybe they could remind me of what exactly happened. So I called Em.
Me: “Hey Em, I woke up today feeling strange like I’ve been in an ocean of dreams and nightmares for years. I only recall one familiar face. I found them and they told me I was nuts… Have you heard from me? Did I say anything to you?”
Em: “Well love… yes. I sat by your bedside for a while hoping you would wake up. But eventually I started to loose hope, so I returned home and waited to hear from you.”
Me: “Em, what happened to me? It felt like I was exploring the horizon of infinity and the depths of hell with a stranger. It felt like I was discovering the meaning of life and the necessity of suffering. Now I’m back to reality and my body is in and out of excruciating pain. To make matters worse I won’t stop bleeding. It’s like I’m dying from the inside out…”
Em: ”your so dramatic.”
Me: “-_-“
Em: “Lol. Babes, you were in love.”
Me: “With who? If it was love nothing would have possibly took him from my bedside. Did he fight for me? Is he alright? Where did he go? Will he be back?”
Em: “You were in love, Babes. He wasn’t…”
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