It's everywhere in NYC right now. All of a sudden if your not poly, your insecure, your uptight, your basically not cool. In case anyone is wondering, polyamory is taking over the NYC dating scene. Do not come to New York looking for love right now. Or should I say, looking for love with one person. Don't get me wrong, I am in close acquaintance with a few monogamous couples. When I say "few" I literally mean, one or two. Let me just make this clear, when you start "dating" in New York, you are essentially meeting a person that is in a romance with two, three, maybe four other people. These people are also in romances with one or two other people. You could trace things back to discover that dating one person in NYC is essentially dating all of NYC.
Ok, now on a more serious note, polyamory has a pretty bad reputation. On the outside it seems as if poly people simply want to have their cake and eat it too. You are with one very sweet and beautiful person, but then you encounter another sweet and beautiful person. In this situation you could implement discipline by restraining your desire to intimately pursue both, as has been normalized in western society for centuries. OR, you could throw the word polyamorous in the mix and, instead, take offence at that idea of being restrained to one person. Although poly seems to only represent a lack of discipline to monogamous people, there are other reasons why this way of life has become so popular in the city.
First thing is that New York is filled with workaholics. What this means is most people in the city are more in love with their career, finances, and status than they will ever be with another person. All of the luxuries New York has to offer require an obsessive work ethic, making it really hard to provide your partner with the attention they might need to fulfill the romantic desires and expectations derived from a less ambitious form of society. NY is also filled with very competitive people. It is hard to trust when you are in a city of people equally or more ambitious as you. In NYC a romantic partner could be simply using you for your connections or financial standing. So in most cases, it is easier to avoid the vulnerability of deep connections to protect you assets and your heart. Not to mention an emotional tizzy from a break up could severely cripple your work ethic and in a city this expensive, you can't really afford emotional break downs. Yes, there is a large majority that relies on polyamory as a result of poor discipline, but there is also a large majority that relies on it for protection.
Now for those polyamorous people that truly feel they have discovered a way to romantically pursue multiple people at once, I do have some arguments against your way of life. I find it admirable to be able to care for people outside of the human desire to selfishly possess them. I understand that romance has been evolving outside of the original possessive nature for a while, due to the sexes becoming equal and independent. I have no problem paying homage to the idea of maintaining freedom in all facets of life, including romance. Many people can not help but to possess their friends, so to not possess your romantic partner is impressive and slightly immortal. Resisting your primal desire to possess is one of the most valuable qualities of character but in this particular situation it is not as beneficial.
What happens to anything when the quantity increases? The problem with polyamory is the lack of depth in the connections. You can not experience your max potential of connection from multiple people because increasing the depth of a connection takes time, which we have a limited amount of. The more time spent with a person, the more they know your habits and emotional behaviors, the more you know theirs. This information is important when it comes to evolving into better versions of ourselves and to being held accountable for our flaws. It is our deep long-term connections that help us see ourselves and improve ourselves. When anything gets uncomfortable in a polyamorous relationship, one can simply retreat to another partner to avoid the issue that is calling for growth. We have a limited amount of time in this life. Depending on what your goals are, it's not wise to waste too much time running from discomfort, growth, or attempting to protect yourself.
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